A day in my life – what I suffered from today – typical of customer service interactions and being in public:
People give me dirty looks constantly. Cars swerve right in front of me, almost hitting me, while waiting for other pedestrians to cross, as they’re supposed to.
I went to David’s Tea. Employees don’t greet me, but they eagerly greet other customers, especially if they’re white. I spare the employee a lot of work by just picking any tea, without asking for recommendations or asking to sniff the teas, which they encourage. Employee is rude to me throughout our interaction, with a constant harsh tone of voice and hateful facial expression. This one is black, and doesn’t look like the usual white hipster slightly alternative employee they typically have. She rudely asks if I want it as a tea or latte. She puts less than the usual amount of tea in the tea bag. She rudely asks if I want honey, and I politely say yes, and I’d like milk in it, too. I don’t think they have honey, just agave syrup, but she probably didn’t know better, or she thought I’ve never heard of agave before. David’s Tea came to my area about 10 years ago, and their trendiness is a little dated – agave had a moment in the late 2000s. She puts in a pitiful amount of tea in the tea bag, and almost no sweetener or milk. Whenever the same person who took my order ALSO makes my drink, they put in too little of everything, and they make it badly. But if it’s a separate barista making the drink, and that person hasn’t seen me, then they make the drink regularly, with appropriate amounts of everything. Employee hands me drink with a disgusted look. She was also trying to get her coworker to make the beverage for me – I get that a lot, too. Employees don’t want to help me, and try to get their coworkers to deal with me. I’m very polite, I put a lot of effort into my outfits, and I know much more about everything than they do.
Then I see that employee make a 180 when a white girl comes up to the counter. That white girl wasn’t even all that good-looking. The employee had the typical white-worshipping vibe towards that girl – a sheepish smile, like she was submissive to the mighty white girl. I’ve observed this again and again from black employees towards white customers, or people of ANY ethnicity towards white customers. Even white employees treat their fellow white customers like they’re gods. And those employees treat me like I’m the lowest thing in the world. It’s always 0-star customer service towards me, and an abrupt 5 stars to average-looking white people right after or before me. If they’re having a bad day, they still treat me much worse than others. And she’ll put plenty of tea in that white girl’s cup, and plenty of milk and agave, so it would actually taste good.
I’ve been going to David’s Tea’s various locations on and off for years – never too much of a regular because I always get the most horrific treatment. It has a very stuck up vibe, and very exclusionary.
I’m invisible everywhere. Navigating the busy streets is scary – people don’t see me, look down on me, and are almost bumping into me all the time. And when they do bump into me, they don’t apologize – I’m not worth apologizing to.
I go into any store, high end or low end, and they greet everyone but me. They’ll approach the white people and talk to them like they’re gods, and totally ignore me, even if I’m flipping things, handling them, obviously looking like I want to buy.
People start holding doors, and then when they see me, they SLAM THE DOOR IN MY FACE. This happens EVERY TIME.
On the bus, people don’t want to sit next to me. I saw these rich French-looking tourist family expressly avoiding sitting next to me, though mine was the only seat available, and they looked like they wanted to sit somewhere. And I’m small-framed and don’t spill into the next seat in the least. Then as soon as another seat became available, a kid in the French family took the seat.
People have a disgusted vibe when I sit next to them. I can see and feel it. It includes many Asian Americans. The only Asians who are more ok with me are working-class, less-educated elderly immigrants, most likely Cantonese or Toisanese.
Just wanted to give more detail about what typically happens when I leave the house – especially in stores/cafes.
They just destroy every single bit of dignity I have as a human. They see and treat me like the biggest loser in the world. They see none of my qualities – just immediately judge me as a disgusting, lowly, rote creep.
I have these stories every time I leave the house, if people want to hear more. Feeling a lot of hurt and pain, which is what always happens. I’m just degraded to the lowest levels – seen and treated as not even human.
EDIT: I’m in San Francisco, CA. This is my daily mistreatment in the “diverse and inclusive utopia” of SF. I’m also an AF. Please read the comments and my responses to those comments for more detailed information.