I’m treated as less than human whenever I leave the house

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A day in my life – what I suffered from today – typical of customer service interactions and being in public:

People give me dirty looks constantly. Cars swerve right in front of me, almost hitting me, while waiting for other pedestrians to cross, as they’re supposed to.

I went to David’s Tea. Employees don’t greet me, but they eagerly greet other customers, especially if they’re white. I spare the employee a lot of work by just picking any tea, without asking for recommendations or asking to sniff the teas, which they encourage. Employee is rude to me throughout our interaction, with a constant harsh tone of voice and hateful facial expression. This one is black, and doesn’t look like the usual white hipster slightly alternative employee they typically have. She rudely asks if I want it as a tea or latte. She puts less than the usual amount of tea in the tea bag. She rudely asks if I want honey, and I politely say yes, and I’d like milk in it, too. I don’t think they have honey, just agave syrup, but she probably didn’t know better, or she thought I’ve never heard of agave before. David’s Tea came to my area about 10 years ago, and their trendiness is a little dated – agave had a moment in the late 2000s. She puts in a pitiful amount of tea in the tea bag, and almost no sweetener or milk. Whenever the same person who took my order ALSO makes my drink, they put in too little of everything, and they make it badly. But if it’s a separate barista making the drink, and that person hasn’t seen me, then they make the drink regularly, with appropriate amounts of everything. Employee hands me drink with a disgusted look. She was also trying to get her coworker to make the beverage for me – I get that a lot, too. Employees don’t want to help me, and try to get their coworkers to deal with me. I’m very polite, I put a lot of effort into my outfits, and I know much more about everything than they do.

Then I see that employee make a 180 when a white girl comes up to the counter. That white girl wasn’t even all that good-looking. The employee had the typical white-worshipping vibe towards that girl – a sheepish smile, like she was submissive to the mighty white girl. I’ve observed this again and again from black employees towards white customers, or people of ANY ethnicity towards white customers. Even white employees treat their fellow white customers like they’re gods. And those employees treat me like I’m the lowest thing in the world. It’s always 0-star customer service towards me, and an abrupt 5 stars to average-looking white people right after or before me. If they’re having a bad day, they still treat me much worse than others. And she’ll put plenty of tea in that white girl’s cup, and plenty of milk and agave, so it would actually taste good.

I’ve been going to David’s Tea’s various locations on and off for years – never too much of a regular because I always get the most horrific treatment. It has a very stuck up vibe, and very exclusionary.

I’m invisible everywhere. Navigating the busy streets is scary – people don’t see me, look down on me, and are almost bumping into me all the time. And when they do bump into me, they don’t apologize – I’m not worth apologizing to.

I go into any store, high end or low end, and they greet everyone but me. They’ll approach the white people and talk to them like they’re gods, and totally ignore me, even if I’m flipping things, handling them, obviously looking like I want to buy.

People start holding doors, and then when they see me, they SLAM THE DOOR IN MY FACE. This happens EVERY TIME.

On the bus, people don’t want to sit next to me. I saw these rich French-looking tourist family expressly avoiding sitting next to me, though mine was the only seat available, and they looked like they wanted to sit somewhere. And I’m small-framed and don’t spill into the next seat in the least. Then as soon as another seat became available, a kid in the French family took the seat.

People have a disgusted vibe when I sit next to them. I can see and feel it. It includes many Asian Americans. The only Asians who are more ok with me are working-class, less-educated elderly immigrants, most likely Cantonese or Toisanese.

Just wanted to give more detail about what typically happens when I leave the house – especially in stores/cafes.

They just destroy every single bit of dignity I have as a human. They see and treat me like the biggest loser in the world. They see none of my qualities – just immediately judge me as a disgusting, lowly, rote creep.

I have these stories every time I leave the house, if people want to hear more. Feeling a lot of hurt and pain, which is what always happens. I’m just degraded to the lowest levels – seen and treated as not even human.

EDIT: I’m in San Francisco, CA. This is my daily mistreatment in the “diverse and inclusive utopia” of SF. I’m also an AF. Please read the comments and my responses to those comments for more detailed information.

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prochinauser2020
1 year ago

I felt like how you are feeling now when I was in the UK, it caused a severe depression and I was on the verge of suicide.
However, I recovered after returning to Hong Kong briefly. I understand not everyone can do this, sadly. Since my recovery, I have matured significantly, and my focus and intelligence improved tremendously over the years. That, incidentally, made me realize how the vast, vast majority of so called “academics” in Anglo cultures are BS and are only there due to their life of extreme privilege.
If they make it clear you don’t belong, then so be it, but hopefully, I hope you would make it clear to them as well, that their savage culture won’t stand in the way of your happiness and well-being. I hope both your life and mine continue to improve, along with China and Asia.

brown_fountain
Reply to  prochinauser2020
1 year ago

Don’t hibernate or hide away. In fact, do the exact opposite. Rather than hide away somewhere, go out and make life difficult for them.
If you live in the West, there will always people who hate you because of the color of your skin. If you become a recluse, all you are doing is letting these racists win. Why would you help people who hate you? Instead of being miserable, make the lives of these racists miserable.
Go to a restaurant if the White waiters disrespect you? Talk to manager. Leave bad comments online. File a compliant. File a lawsuit even. What can you do legally to get them fired? Do it. They already hate you anyway. Why do you care what they think about you?
Go to a store and the White staff are uppity? Do the same thing. Don’t get angry, get even. Think about what you can do within the law to make their lives miserable. Buying a pair of shoes? Try out 20 pairs and walk out of the store without buying anything. Buying clothes? Same thing.
Taking public transportation and the White driver is rude? Take note of the driver and bus number, and then write to complain about something later to the company. Enough letters of compliant, and he/she gets fired.
Treat life as a game, with the objective of making racists people’s lives worse than it already is. Never break the law, otherwise, you cannot play anymore.

brown_fountain
1 year ago

San Francisco, CA. This is the worst place to be Asian, especially Chinese-looking – unless it’s an attractive, rich, very well-dressed, very Americanized techie type. The liberal, affluent, gentrified, elitist areas are the worst. Conservative and centrist areas are not as bad – they still dislike and stereotype Asians, but the disgust isn’t as extreme as liberal areas. Non-pretentious, lower-class areas also aren’t as bad for Asians.
SF has a long history of violently and shockingly discriminating against Chinese, dating back the 19th century. Chinese were called Yellow Peril, and forced into ghettos, and crazy, incredibly untrue stereotypes were dreamed up. This hatred and severe stereotyping remains to this day, and has increased severely as China rises. It’s the way Americans saw Japanese back in the day, when 2nd generation Japanese Americans were forced into internment camps. ABCs are just associated with China, so are demonized and bullied on an everyday level.

archernasa
1 year ago

Bro, first off youre not alone, dont go do anything drastic. I too have gotten the same exact shitty treatment from mainly Bay area whites and blacks.
theres a lot of racial divide in the Bay Area and a lot of history if anti asian sentiment, remember theres a lot of Asians here and whites get easily triggered and stressed out when their relative numbers decline vs other groups… so they lash out. As for blacks Im not quite sure why but Blacks in the Bay area generally give me a lot of s**t, but when Im in other cities like ATL or Seattle theyre super cool w/me. NYC might be the only other place I got c**p from Blacks so I am thinking its got to do with racial competition since again there are so many Asians here vs other US cities that are not LA or Hawaii and they think they are fighting us for scraps from the whites.
Also in general a lot of shitty stressed out angry entitled or just plain lazy and incompetent people in the bay area that are also the most passive agressive fucks ive seen out of any city/region in this country and in the world (Italy and a lot of Europe is slightly worse). Just Dont take it personally, its not your fault.
I too have found that I need to be extra aggressive when out here. Its exhausting but it works. I suggest following the advice some others here have mentioned, get even. Also, big thing, when you see whites approaching you or in any scenario really, stare (no GLARE) at them the entire time until they have left your line of sight or u get what u want out of them. White culture (and Black American) is all about powerplays and dog-like alpha/beta/omega/whatever pissing contests. In this society you get no respect unless you (in the words of Kobe Bryant, a real a*****e) p**s on the fire hydrant (and then some). Anytime I go into a meeting at work or just out and about where there are majority white people, I make sure that I p**s the most and I p**s first and nobody else pisses until Im done pissing! LOL, but seriously man, its ridiculous but thats how it works in ‘murica.

hamduallahye
1 year ago

i truly empathise with you bro cause i’ve experienced this too especially when i was younger. what it is is that these non asians don’t respect asian people, that’s the crux of it. if you’re frail or act timid then they’ll give you no respect and push the limits of what they can get away with. its basically hollywood propaganda and the enabling done by all the p***y asians before us that has led us to this bullshit that we gotta deal with. my advise to you fam is don’t be afraid to speak up if you’re not happy with what they’re doing. i know it sounds scary but with practice you will be comfortable speaking up i promise you. the shops are the best place to practice this because the workers cant physically hurt you or they’ll get in trouble. also start getting in shape, start working out. people will respect you more if you look like you can handle yourself. learn to fight that;ll give you a huge boost in confidence cause then youll know you can defend yourself.
also don’t be afraid to write to corporate and blast them on social media. use every tool you have. i don’t give a f**k if someone thinks this is too petty lol but you know what they wanna f**k up my s**t then im gonna f**k with their s**t. i’ve gotten so many coupons and s**t just from writing to corporate. usually businesses these days have a twitter handle so you can complain to them on twitter, if you can take videos or pictures then that’s even better and blast those cunts on social media. and don’t take it to heart man. i know and have been in your position man. it’s not you it’s this racist a*s backwards society that treat us like we’re subhuman but you can’t start feeling sorry for yourself bro. use that anger as fuel to better yourself, use it as motivation.

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